Cutting mine down to a couple of lines made a real difference for me too. I used to explain my whole background up front and I think it read as a form letter, exactly like you're describing.
Referrals & Networking
LinkedIn cold messages that actually got replies
Short and specific beats long and polite, in my experience — one line on why I’m reaching out to that person specifically, one line on what I’m looking for, and a clear, easy ask. Messages that read like a form letter almost never got a response, even when I put real effort into them.
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The "reads like a form letter" line hit home. Going to cut my next message down by half and see if it makes a difference.