Same experience here — the anticipation of reaching out was worse than actually doing it, every time. Wish I'd started sooner instead of waiting until I needed something.
Referrals & Networking
Turning old colleagues into referrals without feeling awkward
Reached out to someone I hadn’t spoken to in three years and almost talked myself out of it. Kept the message simple — genuine catch-up first, the ask second, no pressure attached — and it went fine. The awkwardness is mostly in my own head, I think.
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Turning Old Colleagues into Referrals Without Feeling Awkward
Reaching out to old colleagues after months or even years can feel uncomfortable—especially when the real reason is that you're looking for a new opportunity.
The good news is: **you don't have to directly ask, “Can you refer me?” in the first message.**
1. Start by reconnecting, not asking
Instead of immediately talking about a job, begin with a genuine conversation:
“Hi Raj, it’s been a while! I was thinking about our time at ABC and remembered the project we worked on together. Hope you’re doing well. What are you up to these days?”
This makes the conversation natural rather than transactional.
# 2. Give them a quick update
Once they respond, briefly explain what you're doing now:
“I’ve recently moved into a cybersecurity leadership role and am currently exploring opportunities where I can contribute in areas like cloud security, SOC transformation and cyber risk.”
Keep it short. Your colleague doesn't need your entire career history.
3. Make the referral easy
Instead of saying:
> “Do you know of any jobs?”
Try:
> “I noticed your company is hiring for a Cybersecurity Director role. It looks closely aligned with my experience. If you feel my background could be relevant, would you be comfortable referring me or pointing me toward the right person?”
This gives them an easy way to help **without putting pressure on them**.
4. Don't ask for a referral if they aren't familiar with your work
A referral carries their reputation too. If you haven't worked closely together, first ask for perspective:
> “I’m considering applying for this role. Since you know the organization, do you think my background would be a good fit?”
Their answer may naturally lead to a referral.
5. Help them help you
Make it easy by sharing:
Target role
Location preference
2–3 key strengths
LinkedIn profile
Resume, if appropriate
Job requisition/link
Don't send a huge paragraph explaining your entire situation.
The golden rule
**Reconnect → Update → Ask for advice → Explore the opportunity → Request referral if appropriate.**
A referral shouldn't feel like asking for a favour from a stranger.
It should feel like **two professionals reconnecting and helping each other.**
### What has worked for you?
Have you successfully turned an old colleague, former manager, client, or teammate into a referral?
**What did you say—and what approach felt natural rather than awkward?**